Very Funny

Feb 22

Don’t Fart in Bed.

If this story doesn’t make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I’ll pray for you.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the
husband’s habit
farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The
noise would wake his wife
the smell would make her eyes water and
make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to
stop ripping them off
it was making her sick. He told her he
couldn’t stop it and that
was perfectly natural. She told him to see
a doctor; she was
that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he
continued to blast them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was
preparing the turkey for
dinner and he
was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at
the bowl where
she had put the turkey innards and neck,
gizzard, liver and all
spare parts and a malicious thought came to
her. She took the bowl
went upstairs where her husband was sound
asleep and, gently
back the bed covers, she pulled back the
elastic waistband of his
underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey
guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband
waken with his usual
which was followed by a blood curdling
scream and the sound of
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The
wife could hardly
herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes!
years of torture she reckoned she had got
him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband
came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a
look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, “Honey, you w ere right. All these
years you have warned
me and
I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked his wife

Well, you always told me that one day I
would end up farting my
out, and today it finally happened.

&g! t; But by the grace of God, some Vaseline,
and two fingers, I think
I got
most of them back in.”

Fruitcake Lady

Feb 21

This was so funny I just had to post it so everybody could see it.



Feb 19

I know, I know, it has been a little while since my last post. There is a little thing that keeps getting in my way of posting…it’s called life.

My topic of choice today is my children. My little girl, Zoe, is one of the sweetest little girls most of the time. She is very hard headed and will argue with everything that I tell her. She argues the most with me when she is getting into trouble. She thinks that she never does anything wrong so it must be me misunderstanding the situation, yeah right. When she gets tired she starts to whine a lot. When she gets this way is when I have the hardest time with her. I can’t stand the whining and she knows that…haha. I have an answer for the whining…it’s called a belt. Yes, I do believe in spanking my kids and I’ll tell you right now, it does work. I have tried many different methods of discipline on my kids but I always end up back at spanking. I put the fear into my kids and they fully understand what happens next. I don’t have to spank them very often but it does happen from time to time. The hard part it spanking them just hard enough that it gets their attention but doesn’t do any damage. Anyhow, I think Zoe has finally started to understand that daddy will win the arguments….haha…most of the time anyway.

Life is good

Feb 09

Life has been good to me these days.

I haven’t had much time for blogging lately if you haven’t noticed. The reason that I have been so busy lately is because I have dedicated my time to finishing up some major projects that I have needed to get done. I finished up a large networking job that has been nagging at me every since I started it, man I’m glad to be done with that one. And the pay wasn’t too shabby either but how do you measure pay. In my opinion you can measure pay in two ways. Either by financial gain or by personal gain. I have had some projects that paid off with financial gain but the most satisfying for me has been the projects that paid off with personal gain. I finished up some critical phases of some projects that I have been working on for my employer that has rewarded me with personal gain. By personal gain I mean that there has been some doors open up and some pressure has been lifted. This, for me, has made life better and my job easier and also for me this is more valuable than financial gain. Now I know that there will be many people that will disagree with this and I’m fine with that. But I’m much happier so it really doesn’t matter, to each is their own, right. Now that I’m happier I feel as if I’m more productive and that the quality of my work is better. With that said I do think that personal gain will lead to financial gain.

Time will tell as usual.